ISLAND OF SODOR – Sir Topham Hatt, the longtime controller of the North West Railway on the Island of Sodor, resigned at a press conference yesterday after several reports surfaced of bizarre and inappropriate behaviour around Sodor’s trains.
Sir Hatt, who is also known by the politically incorrect moniker ‘The Fat Controller’, has worked for the railway for decades, and was promoted to the top job in 1943. While he has an excellent public reputation for running a railway, many former employees have reported overhearing him talking to the trains, addressing them by names he created for them, and alternately reprimanding them for being “naughty” and lauding them for being “really useful.”
“I’ve never seen anything like that,” said Rose Pound, who worked for the Sodor railway from 2002-2006. “It’s like he thought they were alive. If a train crashed, instead of starting an investigation into what mechanical failures led to the crash, he would tell the train, who he insisted was named Thomas, how disappointed he was and wag his finger at it.”
“The rest of us had to work around his craziness.”
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